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August 20th, 2010


03:29 pm
i just tould somoeone who used to mean the world to me to leave alone and stay out of my life and away fomr my friends till shes able to gow up

and i feel like a cunt for doing it

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August 16th, 2010


10:57 am

shhhhhh

am going tell you a secret

I went out on Saturday and got pissehd I started off in the solid and end up in the classic grand but I think this might be my last as in the solid talking to ppl iv knowing for years it just felt that they had nothing in common with me anymore and am not much of a club person but I thought what the hell if this is going be you last night out have a good time so I did

but now am on day two of my hangover which is fun :(


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August 12th, 2010


10:27 am
my health is slowly starting to get better might be up for posting again

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August 4th, 2010


11:51 am
i am ill today which explanes yesterday

will post later

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August 3rd, 2010


01:22 pm
today is a much better day dont feel so down just very tired and sleepy and am ment to be going out tonight but i think i'll have to give it a pass but i'll ask the people that am ment to be meeting up wiht if the want to get some beers and come over and havea drunken night infornt of the wii which is alwasy a great laugh

well i think mid afternoon nap for me :)

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August 2nd, 2010


01:09 pm

why am I the way I am.......

well my mother died last year very sadly which am still trying to come to terms with as I now fell very much alone even though I had friends I fell like none really understood and with no living family staying in Scotland apart form my daughter and how do you talk to a kid about what is going on in your head

and whilst crawling in to a bottle I found someone that was all ready there we had been friends for a very very long time and somewhere between the drinking and the hugs wee kisses and that let to sleeping together every moment we could get oh did I forget to say she was marred yeah I know I should know better but like most of my life things are never 100% right and then one day when am waiting for her to come over I get a call saying she's going to stay with her dad in England and she's left him and that she will be back in a wee bit

that was over a year a go still with no answer or good buy

and once more I crawled back in to the bottle as it felt and feels that everyone that I let get close to me just up and leaves but am battling back its been a long road but am getting there and while I am getting there it feels like am waking up from the drunken sleep since iv been in and I feel a need to change who and what I am


that is all for today


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August 1st, 2010


07:42 pm

even though am only 34 I have battled alcoholism for a fourth time in my life

go me!


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February 28th, 2010


12:02 am
dont worry am still here and alive i'll make a post tomrow if i can

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September 15th, 2009


11:43 am - hope
i saw her the other day and i so wanted to say hi or even hallo but a part of me still cant speek to hur as much as i want to it still hurts and as she walked past me she looked at me her head droped and didnt look at me againand then we passed

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April 10th, 2009


08:52 am

after all the drinking and girls that I have been playing with since my mums death I have decided its time to stop so I went out for a run this morning and couldn’t even manage half the distance I used to be able to so that will be me running every morning :(

on the grills front am going to keep two of them for different reasons and don’t worry they both know of each other and have met servile times over the past month


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